I wish that it was a thought like that that led me to pass on my leading of our family devotions last week, but it wasn’t.

The truth was… I just felt crummy.

We try to spend time each night reading the Bible with our kids. OK… maybe I am being a bit generous saying it is every night. We ASPIRE to read the Bible every night. We tend to ACTUALLY get it in a few times a week. I’m working on that.

Last week, the timing was right. The kids were in their jammies early, and we just had a natural pause in our evening. But I was losing my voice and my wife was away. So I gave the family Bible to our 12 year old and asked her to read the reading for the night*.

She did so, and then followed my lead by asking a few questions about the reading. It was really neat to hear the reading from her perspective. The way she asked questions after the reading was a really neat insight into how she really processed what she read.

As a dad, I view my daughters’ spiritual growth as one of my primary responsibilities. But perhaps that doesn’t always mean I need to do all the talking. I think I may be letting them take turns leading the discussion in the future.

*By the way… we use the Family Reading Bible in our home. It provides a number of really great reading plans, complete with discussion questions. It’s really helped.

Here are the first 5 “rules,” as Skyes called them.

Rule 1: Life if not fair – get used to it!

Rule 2: The world doesn’t care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3: You will not Make $60,000 a year right out of high school.  You won’t be a vice-president with a cell phone until you earn both.

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait until you get a boss.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity.  Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping.  They called it opportunity.

Those might seem pretty tough, but let’s take a look at each one individually.

Rule 1: Life isn’t fair.  If you don’t believe that, ask the senior at the high school near us who is battling cancer.  She’s an honor student and an all-around good kid and she’s on a regular regiment of chemotherapy.

Rule 2: Self-esteem?  In the real world there are no “Participation Ribbons.”  You’re expected to actually contribute something.

Rule 3: $60,000?  Don’t expect it right out of college either.

Rule 4: Tough boss? That’s a good reason for teenagers to find employment away from the family business.  Parents DO care about your self-esteem.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers?  In this economy ANY job is a good job!

Here’s the rest of Skyes’ list and our thoughts on each one.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it’s not your parents’ fault so don’t whine about your mistakes.  Learn from them.

We Agree!

Rule 7: Before you were born your parents weren’t as boring.  They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes…

Wait!  We’re stopping midway through this one.  Mom and Dad, you are supposed to be a little boring.  Please don’t try to compete with your teenager’s fascinating friends!  But do look for opportunities to connect and be available.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life has NOT.  This doesn’t have the slightest resemblance to life.

Again, no ribbons for simply showing up, although that is a good start!

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don’t get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you find yourself.

That’s what your relationship with Christ is all about.  Finding Him leads to finding His purpose for your life.

Rule 10: Television is not real life.  In real life people leave the coffee shop and go to work.

This is why parents need to watch TV WITH their kids…to give those gentle reality reminders.

And Rule 11: Be nice to nerds.  Chances are you’ll end up working for one.

More importantly… Ephesians 4:32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.  That applies to nerds and all others!

Do you have any words of wisdom you’d like to add?

Listen to John and Kendra talk on “The Rules” with Ted and Michelle on Faith Radio Mornings.

Charles Sykes, author of Dumbing Down Our Kids, shared a list of things high school and college graduates did not learn in school. As many high school students near graduation, lets take a look at those.

Here are the first 5 “rules,” as Skyes called them.

Rule 1: Life if not fair – get used to it!

Rule 2: The world doesn’t care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3: You will not Make $60,000 a year right out of high school.  You won’t be a vice-president with a cell phone until you earn both.

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait until you get a boss.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity.  Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping.  They called it opportunity.

Those might seem pretty tough, but let’s take a look at each one individually.

Rule 1: Life isn’t fair.  If you don’t believe that, ask the senior at the high school near us who is battling cancer.  She’s an honor student and an all-around good kid and she’s on a regular regiment of chemotherapy.

Rule 2: Self-esteem?  In the real world there are no “Participation Ribbons.”  You’re expected to actually contribute something.

Rule 3: $60,000?  Don’t expect it right out of college either.

Rule 4: Tough boss? That’s a good reason for teenagers to find employment away from the family business.  Parents DO care about your self-esteem.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers?  In this economy ANY job is a good job!

Here’s the rest of Skyes’ list and our thoughts on each one.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it’s not your parents’ fault so don’t whine about your mistakes.  Learn from them.

We Agree!

Rule 7: Before you were born your parents weren’t as boring.  They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes…

Wait!  We’re stopping him midway through.  Mom and Dad, you are supposed to be a little boring.  Please don’t try to compete with your teenager’s fascinating friends!  But do look for opportunities to connect and be available.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life has NOT.  This doesn’t have the slightest resemblance to life.

Again, no ribbons for simply showing up, although that is a good start!

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don’t get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you find yourself.

That’s what your relationship with Christ is all about.  Finding Him leads to finding His purpose for your life.

Rule 10: Television is not real life.  In real life people leave the coffee shop and go to work.

This is why parents need to watch TV WITH their kids…to give those gentle reality reminders.

And Rule 11: Be nice to nerds.  Chances are you’ll end up working for one. More importantly… Ephesians 4:32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.  That applies to nerds and all others!

Do you have any words of wisdom you would like to add?

According to the National Sleep Foundation, American teenagers require about 9-1/4 hours of sleep a night, yet only 8 percent of them are getting it. A recent study published in the Journal of Adolescent Health found that as much as two-thirds of high school students get less than seven hours of sleep nightly.

You might be wondering if parents are aware of this problem.  The answer is yes and not only are most parents aware of it, but their concern is nothing new. A report on sleep deprivation published in the March issue of the Journal of Pediatrics found the “concerns from the early 1900’s were similar to those of today.” Evidently, parents have worried about their kids getting enough sleep for generations.  According to Cornell sleep expert James Maas, “Every single high school student I have ever measured in terms of their alertness is a walking zombie,” and that description sounds pretty familiar to the parents of most teenagers.

Unfortunately, parents might actually be contributing to the problem.  When a parent encourages and applauds their teenager who stays up late to finish a homework assignment, they are applauding sleep loss.  Many times teenagers are pushed to the limit to succeed.  They are taught the importance of hard work and drive, but not the importance of a good night’s sleep. Add to that the possibility that parents are condoning the use of coffee, caffeinated soda and energy drinks to help their kids stay awake.  Yikes!  Mom and Dad it might be that you are a part of the problem.

So how do parents become a part of the solution? The first step is for you to educate yourself.

Realize that getting a good night’s sleep improves attention and focus and helps kids do well in school. The recommended amount of sleep is 12 hours a night for preschoolers (plus a nap) and 10-11 hours for elementary age kids.  For teenagers it is 9 – 91/2 hours.  These guidelines for the necessary amount of sleep are just that, guidelines, but they are a good place to start.

Sleep is as important as good nutrition, exercise, hard work and free time.  They all contribute to good health and balanced living.  Parents, be aware of your children’s sleep patterns and give the appropriate supervision.  That is as important as telling your four-year-old to eat his vegetables.

How have you encouraged a good night’s sleep?

ALSO: John and Kendra talk about kids and sleep on Faith Radio Mornings.

“The Battle of the Bedroom: Most families at some point have at least one teen or pre-teen whose room resembles a landfill,” says Sue Shellenbarger, author of a recent article in the Wall Street Journal entitled, Clean Your Room…or Else.

Let’s talk about that “Battle of the Bedroom.”  Ms. Shellenbarger recommended some strategies that we would definitely support.  For example, “reasoning” with your teenager and explaining that it would be easier to find things if they were more organized.  This makes sense and may be enough to encourage tidiness.  She also suggested setting a reasonable deadline for the clean up to be completed and the enforcing of consequences if the deadline isn’t reached.  Good points! We also agree that it is helpful to make organization easier by having adequate shelves, storage units, and closet space.

There were, however, ideas we couldn’t support. She suggested hiring a neighbor kid to come in and clean up the mess in your own child’s room. This consequence, in essence shaming and embarrassing your child, is not a good one.  Put yourself in his or her shoes.  Would you want a neighbor seeing your mess?

Parents of one teenager who didn’t clean her room by the agreed-upon deadline came home to a bare bedroom.  All the clothes that had been on the floor were gone – put into garbage bags and hidden in the attic. The difficulty with this consequence is that the teenager was not warned about what would happen.  Do not surprise your child!  Give him or her the opportunity to meet the deadline and do what has been asked.  Kids need to know what price they’ll pay.  They need to know the consequence.

Mom and Dad, you may want to relax your expectations.  Your home is probably not preparing for a photo shoot with House Beautiful.

Make a few simple rules that can help.  Rules like no food or drink in the bedrooms – ever.  That will mean you don’t have to monitor for mold or critters.

Keep things in perspective.  “Cleanliness is next to godliness” is not found in scripture.  Not a bad idea, just not an instruction from God.

How have you gotten your teenager to clean his or her room?

A couple times each week, I get to lead the kids at our church in a largegroup setting. Sometimes I look out at the kids and think “there is no way he is getting it or she is getting it”.  They are all wiggly and distracted and talking to their friends and not paying attention to the story at all.  That lesson was a loss for them.

Then after the lesson one of the wiggly distracted girls comes up to me and says, “did you know I am learning how to put others first?”

Whoa.  What?  No way.  She actually got something out of the lesson and it was the main point.

Okay.  I stand corrected.  Maybe it’s possible kids can “get it” even when they don’t look like it.  What has shaped my view of what this looks like anyway?  Is it that I expect them to look like adults when they are connected to the teaching and listening well to the Holy Spirit?  Maybe.

I have realized that I need to step back and see with fresh eyes.

Transformation in adults can be subtle, unless they tell you how they are growing.  I think it might be the same with kids.  So I am trying to watch for the subtleties…the child who helps her grandmother, the child who holds a door for a friend, the child who plays with another whom no one else would consider playing with, the child who has an interest in reading the Bible, the child who wants to pray, the child who…

I think transformation is happening.  I think to see it, we may just need to be still and watch.  Can you see your kids change?

(From Pro226.com)

(Photo: Flickr)

There’s no question that delayed gratification should not be ignored.  Children need to learn how to wait – whether it’s waiting for their parent’s attention or waiting for a reward.  Patience and self-control are attributes that can be cultivated by delayed gratification.

Three examples of ignoring the importance of delayed gratification come to mind.  1. Kids are being allowed to snack throughout the day. 2. They are demanding (and receiving) their parent’s attention when that parent is talking to another adult, in person or on the phone.  3. And perhaps the most significant, tweens and teens are borrowing money to buy a want, not waiting until the money has been earned.

Problems can arise when children aren’t taught delayed gratification.  They are missing the opportunity to learn patience and self-control.

Let’s go back to the three examples…

1.When continual snacking is allowed, a child is less likely to eat the well-balanced meal at mealtime.  It’s a vicious cycle. One snack in the afternoon is sufficient for a healthy child eating three meals a day.

2.The child who is allowed to interrupt a conversation wrongly believes his or her question, or comment, or perceived need is more important that anything else.  That kind of attitude is very unhealthy and can be carried into adulthood.

3.Those early loans, given to the tweens and teens by mom or dad, can set the pattern for young adults living beyond their means.

The conclusion is simple.  Teach your children delayed gratification.  It will serve them well throughout life!

 What are ways you have taught your children delayed gratification?

The competing girls were all levels 3 & 4s. For many of them it was their first state competition. And their dreams were coming true.

Kids are like that. The kids on the left are my two oldest several years ago looking through binoculars on Mackinac Island. Kids have the biggest dreams. And as a parent I want to know how to focus in on the one that will lead to success and fulfillment. So what’s a parent to do?

1) I think the first thing we need to do is pray with our child about their dreams. Help them turn those dreams over to the one who created them and their dreams. Then I think we need to pray for wisdom to work with God to support those dreams to the best of our ability. For example, my oldest son want to be a Lego engineer. I don’t know how many of those there are in the world, but he loves Legos. Why not encourage him until he grows up more and decides on something else. I wouldn’t be surprised at all to find him working as an engineer of some sort.

2) Evaluate the practical ways to encourage the dream. Is there a class they need to take? A sport they should try? Do they need to stick with something they decide isn’t them through their commitment? My eleven and eight year old are in a children’s choir right now. It’s hitting that point of the school year that the fun has worn off. The songs are boring. They aren’t learning anything (from their perspective) etc. Doesn’t matter. To me, learning you have to finish what you start is as important as the singing.

3)  Ask God to show you what He’s working out in them through the dream and the experiences that dream generates. There are days I want to beg our oldest to give-up on her dream. It’s painful to watch her struggle. But the days she lights up because she’s learned a new skill or conquered a skill that eluded her are wonderful. I’ve asked God to show me if we reach a point where she needs to be redirected. Instead, He keeps showing me all the character she is developing.

I know He’ll do the same for you.

What tips would you add to these?

It’s that time of year. The time of year where if two homeschooling moms get together — even if it’s in the aisles of Wal-Mart — their thoughts turn to how their kids measure up.It’s that time where we wonder if we’ve really done a good job.

How would our kids compare to others? What if they got thrust into a traditional classroom? Would they be okay? Where would they be ahead? Where might they be behind?

Ack! What’s a mom to do?

This is the point in the school year where I take an honest assessment of my kids. Spelling has never been our strong suit. For my 8 year old it’s math facts. The kind that come with lots of flash cards. I’m a good speller, but I hate the roteness of it which means I struggle to make sure my kids get what they need. The same with multiplication and division facts. This year I finally found a program that seems to fit us…but now, I wonder if I need to move my oldest back to a more traditional approach. The questions and doubts never end. Here’s how I try to handle the questions.

1) Research. I ask other moms. How are their kids doing? What do they use? What seems to work or what was an absolute failure. It’s important to remember that there are different learning skills and styles. Now there are different approaches that help with most of those styles. But ask others for advice. They might have something that worked brilliantly or not so well. With all the choices out there for homeschoolers, don’t try to evaluate them on your own.

2) Pray. God know our kids so much better than we do. He’ll direct us to the right approach. Spelling is our bugaboo, but as I prayed about it, I felt a conviction to hold back and work on reading and writing. If the reading excelled, I thought she’d begin to understand when a word just didn’t look right. That approach has paid off. While not an exceptional speller — yet — her spelling is definitely at grade level now. Maybe by next year, we’ll get ahead.

3) Be diligent but relax. I’ve decided my kids stress when I stress. And stress is not really the best environment for learning. My daughter got jazzed about algebra when she realized it was a puzzle. Now to convince her spelling is the same!

How do you handle the questions that come with homeschooling?

Learn more about Cara Putman at her website.

This is not a question your grandmother had to ask.  Today, however, kids who are mesmerized by “electronic gadgets” is a common occurrence and something that might be annoying more than one grandmother.

There are several positives associated with all the electronic devices available to young people today.

Unfortunately there are also negatives.  And one of those is a withdrawal from the folks around you – in this case Grandma. The challenge for this grandparent and others who find themselves in this situation is to find something that will be equally or more appealing than kids’ phones or i-pads.

This might sound very elementary, but we’d encourage this grandparent to try to personally engage with the grandkids.  It’s very possible the kids will find the attention appealing and maybe even a little unusual.  Play a board game together.  WHAT??  What’s that??  Show ‘em.  Teach ‘em.   Talk together.  Laugh together. Make it fun!!  Give your grandchild your undivided attention.  One of the best ways an adult can connect with a child is to play together.

And what about those “electronic gadgets? Maybe your grandkids could teach you a little something.  Be ready to learn and to play.  There’s an app for that!

Hear Michelle and Ted’s interview with John & Kendra on this issue: